A (long winded) Mama Moment

You know when you're in the routine of feeding, changing, diapering and carrying your kid around and one day you realized the routine changed and you don't know the moment it did? You can’t remember when you last fed them mashed food and then they’re eating solids? Then, the last time you carried your kid? Now you’re carrying their sports equipment.

It's sometimes a fleeting mama moment, this awareness. I am the kind of mom that ponders these awarenesses and ask myself, "when did that stop? when did this begin?" Transition is very interesting to me. This morning I had to tell my disappointed 2nd grade son that I couldn't go to a field trip I initially thought I could go to. My schedule/circumstances at work changed. (#workingmomlife) He had tears as I hugged him good bye on his way out to school. I felt a twinge because in the past, I’ve had more freedom to go to my kid’s field trips. I'm thankful for my husband's pep talk before I left for work because I was feeling pretty low. I was so grateful when another mom sent me photos of my boy on the field trip I was missing. But I was surprised by the awareness that hit me deeply the moment I saw the photo: How did he know to wear that t-shirt? I didn’t help him get dressed this morning. I knew I mentioned to him in passing last week when I got the field trip info that he had to wear his school shirt for the field trip. But I didn’t remind him to wear his school shirt.

I realized I haven’t dressed him in a long while…maybe a year and a half?

As I recall this morning…I woke him up with the usual hugs and love and he got ready, made himself breakfast, reminded me that he needed a lunch and then after I consoled him about me not coming, he walked to school. I was working from home by the time he came home from school. He came bounding in, hugged me and said he had so much fun today! I was about to go in to my speech about how I felt bad missing it, but his tight hug, smiling eyes and confident spirit told me he “got it.” Plus, his buddy was over and they had a wicked game of basketball to play. To the sounds of 8 year old boy laughter and basketball out back in the alley, I realized that speech was for me, not him. He would have felt worse that “I felt bad.” I appreciate that my kids are pretty self-sufficient and are learning valuable life skills in the comfort of our home. Plus, as a working mom I am fulfilled. I'm able to share my truest, imperfect, authentic, hard working self with them. While tucking him in tonight, I asked him about how he remembered to wear the shirt. He said, “Actually, I put on another shirt first this morning, but remembered. I was excited for the trip so I changed!” This may seem silly. But to this mama, the photo of my kid in his school shirt on a field trip stopped me in my tracks. When did I stop dressing my kid?

Yes, my work is important and it fulfills me, but may I remember these Life moments with tenderness.

Tenderness for us both as we navigate this Life, together.

Today, with all of the circumstances, I chose wisely.

My son is alright. More than alright.

Such a small moment. I am in awe of these little souls that teach me to be aware and contemplate. I am certain they’ll be okay in this world. #becauseheputontherequiredschoolshirtforafieldtrip #withoutmyhelp #consciousparenting #nobullshitmotherhood #wereallinthistogether #thanksforlistening

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Margery Boucher, MA, MS, LPCS North Texas Counseling and Education Center, 2014.